What do I want to be when I grow up?

When I signed up for this marathon, I assumed that pushing my Energizer-Bunny-athletic Self, whose sense of competition used to do everything it could to come out on top, would carry over to influence my not-so-confrontational-lets-all-get-along Self that is currently dealing with a reality that feels as though getting hit by a train would be a welcome walk in the park. (Whoa, I think that thought was all one sentence!)

I've pushed through physical pain countless times. I've hit the wall in races and kept moving. I had two babies naturally, and could surely push through it again. I assumed my Self that tackles physical pain would get me through any mental or emotional challenge that came my way. But it seems like the influencing is going the opposite way. Instead of the marathon training helping me to get through the emotional side of a divorce and learning how to be a single mom, the Self that takes on getting through the chaos of each day is killing my running.

But there aren't multiple Selves, there's just me. And it's up to just me to find that spark inside to keep going.

Actually, I was getting really frustrated with the feeling that I couldn't do anything about rebuilding the energy that seems to drain right out of me the very second I get out of bed in the morning. Until a friend of mine told me that she read this. And it inspired her. Wow, I didn't actually expect this to be read, but it was, and it meant something to someone. I suddenly don't feel so helpless to what's going on around me.

To see what might have helped push her out the door, I reread a few things I wrote, and actually re-inspired myself. I took my own advice to my not-so-deaf audience and I renewed my own intent to just keep getting back on the horse and moving forward.

As a last boost of motivation, I leafed through a 3-ring binder I have stacked in my closet and pulled out a picture I used to have taped by my computer in college. It's a picture of 26-year-old Kate Major, now an international super star, who placed third in a 2005 Ironman Triathlon. As a college senior, I aspired to be her, or at least aspired to attack an unthinkable challenge the way she seemed to have done, as a young twenty-something, and then come out on top. I just taped that picture up in my bathroom and hopefully can remind myself of the way I always dreamed of taking on life's inconceivable obstacles when I grew up. (The pic is Kate Major, not me :) )