"A" for Effort

Friday, May 7th:

Running the Numbers ~ Training Stats:

Training days to go: 92

Longest run: 6.5 miles

Mileage last week: 

Mileage this week thus far: 16.25

Total training mileage: 55.75

Workout Stats:

Location: Foothills Trail, North of the Dixon Reservoir

Time of day: 3:15pm

Time Running: 68 minutes

Planned Distance: 6 miles 

Actual Distance: about 6.5 miles 

The Run:

With the weight of the world on my shoulders after the beginnings of a painfully emotional day, I knew the best thing for me to do this afternoon would be to find my own rhythm of putting one foot in front of the other, relaxing my breath to fall in sync with my footsteps, and letting the awful self-doubt and anger in my head and my chest fizzle away.  Or at least just allow the endorphins kick in so that whatever was still left in my head wouldn't hurt so much. 

I was convinced yesterday morning, after talking with my beloved shrink, Maggie, that I really do know what is best for me and that I have the ability and knowledge to make the right decisions. It doesn't matter if someone else would have chosen a different way of approaching the same situation. I have to take on my own obstacles in my own way and I should feel confident that I'm coming out on top. 

But after several hours of dealing with paperwork, court house lines, and an emotional confrontation, I wasn't so confident in those decision-making abilities anymore. Everything hurt inside, my chest felt utterly constricted, and I needed to relieve some of the pressures of my world. 

So I jumped in the car and headed to the trail I ran on Monday. I had to run 6 miles, anyway, and now was as good a time as any. 

I was considering just running around the Dixon Reservoir again, but noticed a long flat-ish trail that sneaked out toward the north, on the other side of the road, so, taking a deep breath, I beeped my watch and started a slow jog. I actually almost gave up after three minutes because I didn't know how to feel energized enough for this run. But I just kept plodding along through a flat meadow. When the trail took a turn upward, I noticed that the trail is actually quite busy, and even better (at least in my brain), it took several switchbacks uphill toward Horsetooth Reservoir. Perfect - some uphill and then downhill - just like the race will be. The trail was pretty rocky, but a fun little obstacle course to take my mind off of the uphill battle I was slowly taking on.

Here is the trail I took -  I headed north and then snaked westward toward Horsetooth Reservoir. On the way back, I ran around Dixon Reservoir.

At an early fork of the path, I came upon two mountain bikers who were gauging the difficulty of the climb. They took off ahead of me, but a few switchbacks later, I caught up to the biker in back. Turns out, the biker in the back was a good friend of ours and we exchanged hellos as he motioned me through. I took off ahead of him, but suddenly I couldn't help but think that as a divorce separates most things, it tends to separate friends between spouses. With this thought clear in my mind, I sped up as I hopped over the hill of boulders in front of me, physically running away from his judgements if he only knew the reality of his friends' state of marriage. 

Finally, at the top of the hill, I was at Horsetooth Reservoir. I cross the street, took in the refreshing view, took an even more refreshing breath, and turned around to head back the way I came. To add a bit more time to the run, I ran a bit further up the hill after I had crossed back over the road. As the path narrowed, it became more overgrown and more littered with rocks and boulders. I noticed after a bit that I was barely running on path, but instead jumping around on rocks. All of a sudden, all those rocks were painted a fading shade of white. I had made it to the A (see picture)! I had figured this run would take a lot longer and was planning to attempt it later in my training. I continued to hop over rocks and head along the ridge line, until a sudden thought came to me: What if there are rattle snakes hanging out in these piles of rocks? It's getting close to dark and I'm not really on the "main" trail. Eek! So I turned around and flew back down the hill, now more energized on the descent. 

When I returned to the parking lot at 51 minutes, I still had at least 10 minutes to go, so I crossed the street and headed back toward the Foothills Trail around Dixon Reservoir and pushed through a few more ups and downs. Note to self: large swarms of bugs tend to congregate near water in late afternoon. I think I consumed more bugs than I blew away, but I was wearing a visor, so made my way around the reservoir with my head down so the bill of the visor could shield the swarms. 

68 minutes after I first took off, I walked briskly back to the car to cool down. My head was no clearer than it had been before my run, but at least the adventure had quieted the chaos on my head. 

I felt physically stronger after my run, but not mentally stronger. I tend to think of running as a panacea, but not this time. At least the ability to push myself through a tough course and exceed what I set out to accomplish aided in bolstering my self confidence, if only by a miniscule amount. 

On a positive note: Those extra minutes of running helped to make some room for an AMAZING celebration dinner for a friend's food critique blog: http://www.feastingfortcollins.com/